Posts tagged 10
10 Things Independent People Do Differently

1. They set boundaries

It is not a coincidence that I am putting this as number one. Think of these 10 traits as steps to becoming independent. The very first thing I want you to do is sit down and write out your priorities and decide on your boundaries. I wrote a post 4 Reasons Why Boundaries Are Important and How to Implement Them. It goes into more detail about exactly how to frame your boundaries. Setting boundaries is what separates dependent people from independent people. For example, one of the boundaries I have set is that when I need alone time it is okay for me to tell people no or to go away. If people have a problem with this I know that if they're not going to respect this boundary they are probably not going to respect me in many other areas of my life and therefore I do not need them in my life. It will block out soul-sucking, energy vampires from your life. Your energy can be your own with boundaries, PLUS you'll be happier and more badass telling people they need to respect your boundaries, you'll no longer be walked all over.

2. They have a positive attitude

ANOTHER post I've written on this subject is 4 Reasons Why You Need To Check Your Attitude. The thing that independent people have that dependent people don't is a sense of confidence. They may not know for a fact that their making all the right decisions, but they know that they're going to get to where they need to go by making them. Fake it until you make it if you have to, and at first you probably will. Start having faith in yourself, in the people around you, and in the future. Stop worrying so much and focus on being positive and following your intuition. You have a purpose on this Earth and the only way you're going to fulfill it is by following your intuition and putting your faith in it.

3. They have strong relationships

And why do they have strong relationships? Because they set boundaries, but moving on, it's important that this is talked about. Independent people are not lonely people. Let me repeat. INDEPENDENT PEOPLE ARE NOT LONELY PEOPLE. Having a support system behind them is what allows them to thrive and make good decisions and build their confidence. If you're in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, and they are not helping you in this way, as an independent person it's time to cut the chord. Independent people may not have a ton of relationships, but the ones they do have are positive and worth the energy they're putting into them.

4. They do not covet

One of the most important traits that independent people hold is not competing with others, but rather, with themselves. Something I always say is the only person I want to be "better than" is yesterday's version of myself. They don't spend hours on social media because they know it's all false and it's only the best illusions of other people's lives. They don't want to have a ton of stuff to prove to other people that they're "better". In fact, emotionally independent people are usually minimalists who practice detachment. This is much easier for some than others, but it's a practice, something to work towards.

5. They are their own sun

I came up with this phrase this past weekend when having this discussion with one of my best friends and I thought it was a great way to put what I've been trying to say. I phrased it like "I have a lot of people in my life who bring me warmth, but I am my own sun". So if a person leaves my life, there is still warmth that I create without the need for their heat. I can enjoy them, and love them, and want them in my life, but if they leave it, I am not forced into the tundra. I think this is something to definitely keep in mind if you're trying to be independent. Make sure you're in charge of your own joy and other people can amplify it.

6. They practice self awareness

And notice I said "practice". They do not have themselves COMPLETELY figured out, nobody does, and nobody can because we are constantly growing. However, it is super important to keep in mind that knowing yourself is absolutely critical to being independent. If you know who you are then it makes it almost impossible for someone else to come into your life and tell you who are. I know for a fact that I am healer, I am always trying to help and heal every single person I meet, so if someone were to tell me that I am currently destructive I wouldn't believe them. And that's important because the way I see myself is what I make decisions off of, and how I see my self worth and self confidence. Knowing who I am means it's my job to tell others who I am, and not the other way around. To increase your self awareness you can always be taking personality tests, getting psychic readings, palm readings, past lives readings, etc. You should always take a moment to formulate your own opinions about books, music, movies, etc, before you allow others to offer theirs. And you can start paying attention right now to your intuition and your emotions. When do you feel happy? When do you feel sad? What makes you cry or laugh? These are good first steps.

7. They don't make excuses

If you're late, you're late. Nothing else made you late, you did not do everything you could to be on time and it's your fault. That doesn't mean you being late is a bad thing, however, everything happens for a reason. If you're late and your boss fires you then you weren't meant to work there. The point is, independent people take responsibility for their actions.

8. They don't blame others for their problems

This goes along with my last point, but it needs to be said. If you are going through shit then you need to realize that there is a lesson the universe is trying to teach you. If you are going through the same shit over and over again, you're not learning your lesson and the universe is going to keep giving you the lesson until you learn from it. When independent people are constantly getting fired they take a step back and look at the bigger picture, they learn the lessons they are supposed to, and they adapt their behavior.

9. They know happiness is not a destination

I was listening to an interview with Jewel, who is a fascinating human being btw, and she said something that just really hit me. She said "people act like their going to stumble upon happiness like it's Europe or something". It's so true. Happiness isn't the end goal, folks, and in fact viewing it that way is exhausting and disheartening because you're never going to reach it. Happiness is a byproduct of fulfilling your life's purpose. You fulfill your life's purpose by doing what makes you happy. You know what makes you happy through self awareness. These are all connected. Independent people aren't distracted by trying to be happy, they know happiness will be there so long as joy is in their life, and they chase joy.

10. They adapt

Trump gets elected? Adapt. Your spouse files for divorce? Adapt. Your dog dies? Adapt. Your job moves you across the country? Adapt. Stop thinking that where you are right now is where you always need to be. You need to move on and adapt to your situations because learning to adapt is where we grow as humans and as cognitive beings. I'm not saying suppress your emotions, in fact I'm suggesting the opposite. You need to feel those emotions so they can guide you into learning the lessons from the experience that you need to, but you need to continue to look forward and view your future with hope. Be a problem solver and not a whiner.

How To Change Your Life By Starting A Bullet Journal

I know the title of this post seems pretty dramatic, but starting a bullet journal changed my life for the better. I've been talking about bullet journals in my posts and podcasts so I feel like it's really only fair if I explain how to start one, why you need to start one, and give you a peek at mine for an example (examples always help me visualize the point of things).

My bullet journal looks like it's been beaten up pretty badly because it has... I bring it with me everywhere.

My bullet journal looks like it's been beaten up pretty badly because it has... I bring it with me everywhere.

What is a bullet journal?

After I graduated college my dad bought me a journal as a graduation present to write down the next stage of my life. I didn't know I was going to turn it into a bullet journal at the time, I just knew that I had a lot of planning to do so I started to use it for that. I was looking for ideas on pintrest and found out what I was doing was called bullet journaling. I'm not entirely sure what the proper definition of one would be, I would describe it as a customized life planner. The overall purpose of one is to plan your life, your entire life, or at least whatever portions of it you feel you need to write down.

Why start one?

If you're anything like me you have all of these ideas that you want to accomplish, but you're not really sure how to. Bullet journals are the vehicle to help you actually achieve your goals and become more productive. I'll list out my different pages later, but anything you want to learn, or accomplish, or track, you can keep it all in your bullet journal. PLUS if you're a creative, like me, outlining the different pages are my version of those adult coloring books that everyone is obsessing over right now.

A peek at my bullet journal

I think it'll be more clear if I show you pages from mine. You can click through a few of them below. I'm not going to show every page because that would be like taking pictures of a private journal and I'm just not ready for that yet.

I'm working on my 2017 bullet journal now and I decided I wanted grid lines to make charts easier. Here is a list of pages that my 2017 bullet journal will incorporate:

2017 goals, Places I Want To Go, Reading List, Spiritual Goals, Workout Tracker, Yoga Tracker, Meditation Tracker, Packing List, Gratitude Tracker, Savings Tracker, Daily Routine, Weekly Routine, Monthly Routine, Daily Goals, Weekly Goals, Monthly Goals, Blood Type Diet Foods (look into this if you haven't!), Gardening Planner, Trip Planner, Level 10 Life, Monthly Tasks, Budget, Bill Tracker, Non Profit Planner, Brain Dump, Dog Tricks, Self Care Ideas, Spiritual Journal, Podcast Ideas, Blog Post Ideas, Blog Goals, Challenges

Those are what I have so far at least, I'm constantly adding pages whenever I need to plan things.

Explanation of some pages

Level 10 Life: This page is honestly where you should start. You come up with 10 categories (you can see mine listed above) and then you write down your 10 goals for each category. I have at least one daily goal, one weekly goal, one monthly goal, one yearly goal, one 5-year goal and one 10 year goal for each category and the other three are fluid. The reason why this is crucial is because it is going to help you prioritize your goal so when you go to make daily, weekly, monthly, yearly tasks you can refer back to this page. For example, if your goal is to read one book per month then when you're writing your monthly goals you add "read one book" and since you know you're going to have to read every day for your daily goals you write "read 30 minutes". It takes your larger goals and forces you to narrow them down into daily tasks. Another example would be for one of my spiritual goals I have "become a yoga instructor in 5 years" so I will need to construct a timeline that breaks down what I have to do every year, every month, every week and every day to reach this goal in time.

Savings: To track my savings I make a rectangle with what I'm saving for written above it. I then calculate how much I am going to need and divide that amount by how many months are between now and the due date. I make a box for each month with the accumulated amount written in each box and when I go to do my budget for the month I know how much to extract. For example, If I need $500 in 5 months for a trip I'm planning, I make a rectangle with 5 boxes and "$100, $200, $300, etc" marked in each box. When I've saved the amount in the box I color it in.

Brain Dump: This page I use for all of the ideas that run through my head no matter how crazy. They go here if I'm not sure if I want to dedicate a whole planning page to them, but I don't want to forget about them either. A lot of the time they're just notes to myself like "do a photoshoot with grandma soon and write a post about her"... stuff like that.

Trackers: These pages are what keep me motivated. You can see my workout tracker in the slideshow above. In each square I marked A, B, C, or D and these correspond with a youtube playlist of workout videos (because for those of you who don't know I hate gyms and the commute to one and back is a waste of precious time). I like to work out at home or run, hike, etc. I just go to my tracker and look at the day I'm on, go to the corresponding youtube playlist, and click shuffle so I get a random workout. After I complete the workout I color in the square. When all the squares are colored in I get a massage. Easy peasy and I'm motivated to do it.

Trip Planner: I use this page to calculate every single detail of a trip I'm planning. I mostly do this so I know EXACTLY how much to save for. I plan for gas by mileage, hotel, meals, everything. It also helps the other people I'm traveling with so they know how much to save for as well and what we're doing, etc.

Index: It is super important to keep an index because you're going to have a lot of different pages and looking for each page is going to be a waste of time.

These are just a few of my pages... if you have any questions or want any explanation of the other pages comment below or message me on Snapchat, whatever works! I'd be happy to explain or send you a snap of my page.  I will also be writing future posts about bullet journaling because I really believe it is what ambitious, but overwhelmed people need to be successful.

 

10 Resolutions That Aren't Resolutions

These resolutions aren't resolutions at all... but rather they're steps we can all take to be the best version of ourselves. They're realistic, easy, and take little motivation to accomplish.

10. Eat Out Less

I actually feel like this is a pretty common resolution and we all know why. 2017 has to be the year we all get our shit together and stop spending money on useless stuff... including eating out. Limit yourself to twice a week and every time you feel like going out to eat take that $15 you would've spent and put it in your travel fund.

9. No Spend Month

Speaking of saving money... as a minimalist this is easier for me... but limit yourself to only buying groceries and absolute necessities just for one month. Once you realize how easy the minimalism lifestyle is you'll be ready to at the very least spend less than you currently are.

8. Purge

All. The. Time. Keep a box in your hallway and whenever you come across an item that hasn't been used in 6 months, put it in the donate box. When the box is full donate it and put out another box. Easy peasy. For clothes... turn all your hangers backwards and when you wear an item put it back the right way. In 6 months anything hanging backwards gets donated. It's time to rid of the excess. 2017 will not be the year we spend organizing all our crap.

7. Read

Duh... I know I'm a broken record always telling people to read... but that's because I want to live in a society where small talk no longer exists because everyone actually has something interesting to say. Reading will make you more interesting, strengthen your vocabulary, open your mind to new experiences, and make you a better version of yourself. This doesn't mean you need to only read business books, or non-fiction books, by all means read as much fiction as you want, but just freakin read.

6. Focus on self-awareness

This is something I'm ALWAYS doing. I want to know myself better than anyone else and I want to know everything there is to know. How do I feel about different circumstances, what are my strengths, weaknesses, how do I feel about the people in my life, what are my goals, etc. Take personality tests, get readings done (palm, future, whatever), spend time alone, and analyze yourself. This doesn't make you self-centered... it makes you smart. I know what I bring to the table when I know my strengths and I know what I need in someone else to fill my weaknesses. Again I'm not totally there yet, but it's something I'm always working on.

5. PLAN

It doesn't matter what resolution you choose for next year, if you don't plan it won't happen. Plan HOW you're going to travel. Plan WHEN you're going to exercise. Plan how you're going to achieve every goal down to how you're going to work on it each day. If you don't you're not going to reach it. I wrote a post on how to plan a productive day here.

4. Find inspiration

Instead of beating a dead horse I'm just going to link the posts I've already written about why you need inspiration and how to find it.

6 Reasons Why We Need To Be Inspired

7 Ways to Become Inspired and Find Your Passion

3. Let's get healthy

This one is huge for me this year. I spent so much of last year sick because of various health problems... but I'm feeling better and I can finally whip my butt back into shape. I'm not going to a gym on Monday to buy a membership that I'm only going to use once a week... but I am planning (again down to the day) how I'm going to get back in shape. The thing about getting healthy is that everyone is different and this is where self-awareness really comes into play. My recommendation is not to start a fad diet (paleo, weight-watchers, etc), but just really be mindful of what you're eating and how it makes you feel. Your body will tell you everything you need to know if you just take the time to listen to it.

I'm also a healer so if you're feeling overwhelmed and would like a reading you can learn more about how I heal here.

2. Focus on trimming your relationships

If there are people in your life bringing unnecessary negativity trim them out. Focus on the people who bring a positive light to your life. Use the precious time you have to build relationships and network with people. Again.. 2017 needs to be about ridding yourself of excess... including excess people... to only leave room for the absolute best (because we deserve the best and only the best). 

1. Stop trying to be happy

It's sickening how focused our culture is on finding happiness. It's the most depressing journey tbh. If you're not content with your life you probably have too much excess, not enough inspiration, or are surrounded by negativity. Stop trying to buy things you think are going to make you happy, stop trying to compare yourself to others because you only see the most polished versions of everyone else (ESPECIALLY on social media), and stop telling yourself "you're not happy but one day you will be". If you're not happy right now you're trying too hard. Just relax dude... be mindful and enjoy the moment.