Posts tagged letter
6. This Is Not A Love Letter
These breakup letters were sent in by FTS readers

Dear S,

            Now this is not a love letter, this for me was a life lesson. We may have not dated for long and it may have been two years ago but for some reason you continue to still pop up in my life. So yes I am going to write it out. We met sophomore year and I was the new girl and for some reason that always gives girls an edge. I had not known anyone until I met you. You had this confidence to you that for some odd reason I liked. However, I later learned it was just you being an ass. We grew pretty close after that and a friend wasn’t the right title but neither was a boyfriend. So what were we? Well we turned out to be “friends,” and after establishing that we lost all contact, only for a brief time. The following year you showed up again, this time wanting more. After you found yourself back in my life, I had people whispering in my ear saying “you guys would be cute” or “date him you don’t have any other guy right now.” Never again, never again will I listen to those words because they are what got me into our relationship.

I did like you at one point, but that year I had moved on, I had met new people, lived my life, but somehow ended up with you. I gave you that chance because hey I liked you once I can do it again right? Not this time. I dated you out of some emptiness I felt or maybe it was loneliness, and our relationship wasn’t all bad, but to this day I look back on it and still can't put together why I dated you. If we're being honest here I never liked you, I rarely ever wanted to be seen with you. So why did I stay with you? Well I don’t truly know, but I do know now that you have taught me so many great things. You taught me that I don’t need a relationship; you taught me that it’s better to be alone then with someone you don’t truly care for.

So I thank you for that! However, that does not mean anything will ever happen with us again. Its over, I feel nothing, and I haven’t felt anything for you since we dated.  I constantly made excuses to myself as to why I stayed with you, but one moment was very clear when I should have said “GO FUCK YOURSELF” I was going through a family crisis, and had to cancel our plans for a dance now putting those two things together anyone can clearly see that the dance means nothing. Everyone but you! You got mad at me for cancelling, hell you went with another girl, you say it was because you had to, but in this world you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Now for some god-awful reason maybe it was because I was more focused on my family than you, but I stayed and just brushed it off. Now don’t worry you got your revenge by later ditching me, but then I moved away and the moment I made that decision I ended it with you, but you wanted to stay together, or at least friends. I agreed to stay friends out of pity but really I wanted nothing to do with you, I never wanted to see you, talk to you, even hear you name that s how over it I was when I ended it. So now you know when you tried to get back with me months later you had no chance and never will. So go live your life, as I did.

5. Dear "Things Change"
These breakup letters were sent in by FTS readers

Dear “Things change..”,

I guess I was right all along. Deep down I think I knew this would happen. I must have been “blinded by love”, or maybe it was because you told me everything I wanted to hear, or maybe I just wanted it to work so badly that I overlooked all of the red flags. I’m not sure how it happened, but I fell so quickly for you… and you just as quickly took three steps backwards and allowed me to fall flat on my face.

Let me clear something up for you, I’m not writing this because I’m angry, or sad, or confused, and definitely not because I miss you. I am writing this letter to tell you all of the things I kept myself from saying the day that you broke up with me. I wasn’t about to give you the satisfaction of hearing how I felt after you ended it. I thought to myself, why should I even say anything back? He doesn’t deserve it…. And you still don’t. I am writing this to get everything off of my chest, since I have only been able to vent to my best friend about it.

First of all, I gave you so many outs; so many chances to end it while it was still easy for me. I knew distance was hard, and it was only going to get tougher. I tried to explain that to you, but you were determined to be with me no matter what. The first time I didn’t believe you because my walls were still up pretty high. The next couple times you started pushing my walls right over... you told me you were all in and I started hopelessly falling in love with your words. One of my best friends then told me, “If anyone is going to break down those crazy walls you have had built up for so long, it’s going to be him!” And I knew she was right. It was always going to be you…. wasn’t it?

You sucker punched me with this break up. I was not prepared. I was so excited for you to meet my family, for you to come visit me, for all of the fun things we (I) had planned, and super excited for the future. You obviously weren’t. I’m not sure why you did it, maybe there was someone else, maybe you weren’t ready, maybe I wasn’t what you wanted, maybe it was the distance, but no matter what I’m so glad you broke up with me. I was really frustrated at the time because you hurt my ego. That’s one of the toughest parts about break-ups, the feeling of rejection; feeling like you weren’t good enough. (Let me tell you right now, I am more than good enough.) I am at peace with it now. I am not going to let something so miniscule in the grand scheme of things, bring me down.

This is the part where I thank you. Thanks so much for ending things the selfish way you did, that made me realize you really didn’t care the way I hoped you did. Thank you for making it so easy for me to get over this. Thank you for bringing me closer to my best friends and my mom, who I was pushing away while we were together. I honestly could not be more grateful for you. Thank you for this new found motivation to eat better, work out more, and feel passionate about things other than you. Thank you for helping me see that I shouldn’t be disappointed in someone else's decisions, because they are not my own.

I was disappointed at first because I felt like I lost my best friend and I couldn't believe your feelings could change so fast, but now I am empowered. I am positive. I am happy.
I sincerely hope you are too.

4. Dear J
These breakup letters were sent in by FTS readers

Dear J,

This feeling I have right now is indescribable. I haven't thought about you in a very long time and sitting here trying to think of what to say to you is causing hesitation. I hate letting you occupy space in my consciousness. Out of all of the dumb things I've done in my life you take the gold. Looking back, though, I know that you had to come into my life to make me the person I am. I know that's what everyone always says, but really it's true. Everything lined up so perfectly for me to accept you.

I had just gotten out of a relationship that I didn't let myself call a relationship. I had all of this guilt built up inside of me from it. I had hurt this person and so many like him in the past because I was afraid of commitment. And when he called me a horrible person for being with him without committing to him, I believed it. I wanted to change, I wanted to be better. So I said this time is going to be different. I'm going to find a decent guy, commit to him and love him unconditionally.

Now you see why I call myself dumb. I was so naive to believe that anyone was worthy of that blind love, especially you. You showed up just when I needed you to validate that I was a good person, and you did. You also were broken and that meant I could help heal you and that would double my good person points. When you said you had always loved me I believed you and used that statement to justify you being the person I chose to give everything I had kept from others who had wanted it.

To be honest... I really didn't care who was telling me these things. I was never in love with you, not even close. I remember the first time you came to visit me. My idea of you was so different from who you actually were, I remember having to force everything. One of the most vivid moments in my mind was when we cuddled for the first time and I remember thinking "this is wrong, you need to end this", but I talked myself out of it. I just kept telling myself "but he's such a good person and he'll make you a better person".

Smh. I wish I would have listened to that voice in my head and would have prevented the abuse. It started slowly. You said your family kicked you out of your house over summer break and you needed to stay with mine. I believed you and compromised my boundaries for you. You would make excuses to try to keep me in your presence at all times. If I wanted to go out you had to come with because you had anxiety. You moved to a new city for me and had no friends so I had to entertain you. You were sick and I needed to be with you and try to make you healthy. There was always something I needed to do for you. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I need a nap.

Guilt is how you kept me from leaving. I tried. I tried to leave multiple times, but you always pulled me back using things against me to get me to stay. You knew exactly what buttons to push to make me hate myself. I convinced myself to stay thinking that I needed to help you and that I needed to be a good person. I couldn't leave you like I had left the others in my past or I would be a bad person. Funny thing is... I never, not once, felt like a good person when I was with you. You always made sure I felt weak, insecure, and depressed enough to stay.

I don't think you fully understand how this affected me. The light was stolen from me. I walked around like I was on drugs. I didn't laugh, I didn't cry, I didn't feel for a year and a half. Breaking up with you was like a breath of fresh air. I cried for 4 minutes exactly after I kicked you out, not out of remorse or sorrow, but out of relief. It was my proudest moment. It took me a while to get the light back into my eyes and to build up my self esteem. My best friend had to move in with me for a few weeks to remind me how to laugh and how to think positively and for that I owe her everything.

I know that I shouldn't regret you because you made me the strong person I am right now, but I do. I wasted so much time on you. I was so unproductive and I could have accomplished so much more in college if you weren't there holding me back. This was 2 years ago and you still try to contact me. I had to move, change my phone number, change my email addresses, tell mutual friends that they could not give out my information just to try to get away from you. I have not said one word to you since I kicked you out, and that is never going to change. You took a year and a half of my life, you do not get one more second.

P.S. I do not hate you. Hate is not the opposite of love. There has to be feelings for me to hate you. I feel nothing when I think of you. You could die or win the lottery and I would not care.

3. Dear Ex-boyfriend
These breakup letters were sent in by FTS readers

Dear Ex-boyfriend,


Over these past weeks I have felt an array of emotions: pain, loss, relief, sadness, regret, anger, excited. Our relationship began and ended quickly, without much time for me to process what was really happening. I was wrapped up in so many emotions during our journey that I didn’t give myself time to sit back and reflect on the reasoning behind our actions and words. We weren’t patient with each other and never gave ourselves time to process what we were feeling.


Reflecting back on it all I have realized so much. I would do it all differently if I could. I would have given myself more time. More time to heal from my past, more time to fall in love without jumping steps. I would have focused on me so. much. more. I lost myself in you. I forgot what gets me going in the morning, what pushes me. I relied on you to fill that hole for me, to satisfy my needs when I thought I couldn’t do that on my own. I threw so much at you at a regular basis, leaving you to deal with what I thought I could not handle. I wanted you to deal with and fix things for me when they were hard, and if you didn’t I tried to find approval somewhere else. I definitely regret that the most. Now that I am focused on me and doing what I want to do (and feels really good to do whatever the fuck I feel like) I stopped searching for approval in others. I am eating this time up, using it to find comfort in being alone, entirely by myself. I wish I could slap my old self, tell her to wake up. So many of our problems were rooted in each others insecurities. Why didn’t we realize that? Why were we so comfortable in the ways things were despite the fact that both of us were not happy?


I thought that I would hold on to the fact that you moved on so quickly. At first it stung like a bitch. But then I realized that this is your way of dealing with all of your emotions. That is the way you have always dealt with them, by avoiding and running as far as you could. I never cared for that in you and lost a lot of respect for you after I saw how shallow your words are.  But most of all I want you to be happy. I hope she, or whoever you end up with, loves you better than I ever did. We both deserve so much happiness, love, and selflessness.


You hold a big part of my heart but I know that over time that part will grow smaller and less meaningful. Part of me wishes that things ended differently and that we could still be close. I miss being able to share my day with you. I don’t know if I will be able to do some of ‘our’ things comfortably again, such as watching the office or go to our favorite restaurant. But I do know that we will be okay, and that I do not want to be with you anymore.


I want to be so much better, both for myself and for who I eventually end up meeting. I love myself a lot more already compared to the past few years. It didn’t take me long to realize how much happier I was not feeling all the guilt that I felt when I was with you. It feels good to feel in control of myself and to not rely on anyone else to fill or satisfy me. We both had holes within ourselves that we expected each other to fill and for the first time I am doing that entirely on my own.

I am grateful for my time with you, but even more so, I am grateful to move on.



2. You Stumble Upon A Steve
These breakup letters were sent in by FTS readers

Not Dear Steve,

Where to begin with you, oh boy. You were not supposed to be important and yet you wormed your way into my life and decimated it for a brief year and a half. I met you July 2015 and it seemed innocent enough at first. I was out with friends, enjoying a hot, wonderful summer filled with my personal exploration of the world and myself as a professional. I felt like I was on top of the world that night and then you asked for my number. When I told you I was leaving the next day, all of a sudden I wasn’t worth your time. 

Okay, that hurt. But boy were you wrong. The months came and went, fall semester was flying by, and I stumbled upon you a few times, without you recognizing me any of those times, until one night a little green monster sneaked up on me. My gorgeous friend was dancing with a guy at the raunchiest place in town and not one to be out done I grabbed you and we started to dance. One thing led to another and we ended up in your car, which is when you finally remembered me. Now it goes without saying I was relatively drunk but not enough to forget any of this. 

Truthfully, the only reason I’m recapping these experiences is because I know you don’t remember. That’s the problem when you deal with someone who gets black out drunk, smokes more than Woody Nelson, and gets coked out of his mind. I know that now. I also know that I’m better than getting pregnant and staying in Flagstaff with you for the rest of my life, watching you self-destruct and being trapped in a downwards spiral toward mediocrity with you.

Now I’m making something out of myself, not for me but for those I do love and those that I will love in the future. But that’s what hurt you, wasn’t it? That I didn’t give you validation as a person, you couldn’t get what you wanted, huh, Mr. Quarterback? I knew what I wanted from what we had and it wasn’t feelings. You may think that I was just a stone cold bitch but I was keeping you at arms-length so I wouldn’t get hurt. After having someone bruise you up and act crazy in a previous relationship, could you blame me? No, you can’t, but you most certainly tried. By taking what I said all the time at face-value you showed that you didn’t care to know the deep underlying causes for my words. And that’s okay (you don’t need to read my mind or pry) but don’t try to say you have feelings for me; you’re lonely and you know it. You want me there to cater to your whims and make you feel good about yourself and your choices but I’m not going to be a trophy for you to have on this mountain.

And yet you still try to make appearances in my life, don’t you? Acting like you have a right to reach out to me, after giving me an STI but deeming it not your fault and wishing me luck in figuring it all out? Surprise, Steve, I am now HPV-free. I will get to live out my life with my beautiful goddaughter and maybe even tell her this story one day. The story of the boy that gave me the worst fright of my life, the potential of getting cancer. She’ll try to understand the boy who tried to get me back after he did so much damage, but who wasn’t supposed to matter because I was graduating and I was going to be somebody. She’ll hear about him who ended up being the boy who didn’t stop me, no matter how hard he tried, who is now and will forever be a nobody. He who will always be the boy who taught me the lesson that once you’re fucked, it’s time to pick up your clothes up from the floor and move on, because in life only you’ve got your back.  This will be a story to warn and guide in understanding individual identities and what happens when you stop caring about your decisions. 

You stumble upon a Steve.